pain

since i can't look at all as is
i m forever inventing ways to accomplish the same
i suffer from pain in crotch
trying to relieve
i try many things but they dont work
my discomfort gives night mares
but they repetitive and simple
i m suffering from them for many decades now
i m in 2nd year of mstat
i have lost touch with curriculum teacher and class rooms
i am hunting for them but can't find
while final is near and i have no idea
how i really pass
during the nightmare when i m sweating and not able to breath out of shear tension of reality
it never occurs to me matter is over more than 4 decades ago
i have mstat degree with apms
and i have nothing to do with subjects not learnt
i have no sense of loss
during the dream akella a class mate of mine appears who however was absconding for a while but appeared all of a sudden to complete the course work
he knows where and what classes are and what is being but
he would not tell me

I try to comfort myself after the dream
it is all past and shall never be a context ever in future

pain in the crotch is a reality
i suffer every moment of my life
i have no cure any time in near future
unless it disappears all by itself
it only disappears when I am asleep

I can't sleep forever
running away from pain
it is extremely boring to sleep all the time