self observation as is

events are free floating and without co-ordinates

the connection and links are my mental exercise devoid of truth entirely false

I have suffered from pain anxiety and madness due to such make beliefs

I project the same unto others imagine them similar

perhaps others recognize me as mad man

such observations can increase my pain fear and confusion

make me go under cover till my suffering subsides 

[i m seeing this as is without comment or further imagination]

i had known  V  Singh during his stay in ISI Kolkata

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vashishtha_Narayan_Singh

he was good looking handsome boy

he used to move around with Hindi speaking group of my age post graduate research students

I did not know about his mental problem except some junior students mentioned that he would become nervous while teaching

In a very closed room with several other research students he attended one lecture of mine on non-standard calculus

he left in the middle with a smile of apology

During this time he got married

But he got back next day after marriage

one friend of mine Unni told me his problem started from Love not Returned by Kelly's Daughter

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_L._Kelley

On my way to first job I stopped over at TIFR for a day with Somesh Bagchi

I was told he was there

he periodically is smooth shaven and bearded

Somesh further added that it was mistake for him to leave ISI where he was happy with his group

TIFR culture is difficult for him to adjust

in 1977 i visited ISI for 7 days on business

I was then suffering from Love not Reciprocated syndromes

I was sitting in guest house when one of my teacher entered the lounge

he referred V N Singh to some one

his reference touched me

i identified me with VNS

mgn once wasted hours with me to pursue mathematics